The Perqual Quotient

For many, it is one of the most difficult things – to make a decision. We always encounter choices in life and need to decide amongst them. It is not always easy to choose, but experience has taught us how to weigh the options, assess the risks & take the call.

In my opinion, the even more difficult thing is to “accept the outcome of one’s decision". This requires a high level of maturity. It is a fact that many decisions are bad when seen in hindsight, but it cannot be changed. It does hurt to realize that the outcome could have been so much more different “only if” the choice was different.

We need to control our reaction in such situations. It is no use to get overly stressed by constant worrying about bad decisions. We need to see it as an opportunity to critically learn from the incident; to help improve future decision taking abilities & intuition. Not learning from it is criminal.

This reminds me the contrasting behaviour of my kids. The elder twin is quick in making her choices. If given two toys to choose from - she makes her decision & chooses one. Quite often, that toy turns out to be useless or just breaks off. Most of the times, she does not worry about it, is still happy & turns her attention to other things. On the other hand, the younger twin is very indecisive. She always wants the best & does not compromise or accept failures. Instead of being happy with her choice, she immediately wants the other toy with her sister and is never satisfied. And, if her toy breaks down, all hell breaks loose. At the end, she ends up being sad and unhappy.

This is probably a naive example, but is a clear reflection that if you do not have the courage to face the outcome of your decisions, you end up being dissatisfied & unhappy. Not worth it, right ?

It is natural to get frustrated in life due to personal or work reasons. There could be many reasons for frustration - lack of satisfaction & success, lack of power & control, lack of direction & leadership, lack of competence & alignment. It is basically a feeling of unfulfilled void without able to influence it. It is more important on how one overcomes this feeling than avoidance of it.

It is like fighting against an ocean wave while swimming in it. Our instincts immediately try to fight the wave in order to swim forward. We may fail the first time, but we try again & maybe again. But, most people would give up the fight and start flowing along with the wave. This is how most of us handle situations around us and end up being frustrated & this can end up in exhibiting irrational behaviour.

A key difference in a successful person is the way he handles frustration. If you cannot influence & change the system & do not feel part of it, it is no use floating around. Take the courageous step to do what makes you more comfortable in channelizing your energies & succeed. If you accept repeated frustration, it is simply an indication of weakness & negative energy. This weakness can spread to other people around, so act before it is too late.

Imagine how a kid reacts to frustration. It could be simply because he/she did not get the desired toy & no reasoning is convincing. The kid requests, pleads, shouts, demands & ends up throwing tantrums, which is an irrational behaviour. It leads to becoming moody and is energy sapping. Kids normally do not know how to handle frustration. Sadly, this is how we adults also respond to frustration and go through exactly same emotions, ending up in a feeling of failure.

Take a break, think about it and take the right steps forward

Whenever I spend some time with my colleagues and friends in Germany, I am reminded of the differences in living life.. I was on a business trip recently and these nuances struck me again.

Especially in India, we mostly live a fast paced life, spending a lot of time thinking about succeeding in career, burning the midnight candles to overstretch your targets, taking small things in life for granted, complaining on larger than life issues. Basically we seem to get our priorities wrong in terms of simply enjoying life and we probably worry more about doing better in future than to enjoy the good present. The situation is actually ironic, considering that we have a lot of spiritual organizations in India which exactly preach you to enjoy your life putting brakes on the race to success.

Think for yourself.. Do the bright flowers in your garden create a feeling of true joy & appreciation of nature ? When did you last enjoy every sip of your coffee sitting with your family in your balcony without the cable tv hogging your attention ? Did you enjoy your last vacation by way of spending quality time or by way of covering the most places of interest ? Do you get tempted to go for a nice walk or jog when the weather is pleasant ?

When I was with my friends in Germany, we did go out for a cup of coffee in the coffee shop, we did walk through the city centre, we walked past the flowing river, we did have breakfast & dinner together.. But, for me they were all normal events – just a cup of coffee, just another city centre, just another bunch of flowers by the side of the river, just a good breakfast.. For many of my German friends, it was not so.. I could see that they really enjoyed what they saw, what they ate and what they experienced. I just could not feel it the same way like them.

We often talk about quality of life & why it is bad in India. It is true that infrastructure & other aspects play a crucial role in the quality of life, but a significant part is also the way we treat life. We cannot give a better quality of life for our kids by buying them the latest video game gadgets, the best cartoon movies.. But, by spending time & playing with them, by teaching them to use mud and clay to create their imagination, by letting them play with things of nature rather than human gadgets, by getting them to socialize with their friends instead of their computers..

If you are feeling too stressed out, maybe it is good to put brakes for sometime, sit back, relax and enjoy what life has given you.. Probably this is the true definition of nirvana ?

If you are one of those who very often find yourself shouting “what am I still doing here", then in most cases you are a coward. I am not discussing about the people who have this feeling due to pure intention of better salary/income, but of those people who have a passion to excel & succeed.

It is a reflection of two things:

1) That you “do” believe in your own talent & potential and hence are frustated in not putting your skills to a better use

2) But also that you are not daring enough to overcome the inertia of being in your comfort zone & not challenging yourself for new roles or areas

It is not easy to take risks, especially when there is no “necessity” to take them. Your needs might be very well met with your current job, maybe you are able to give your family a decent quality of life & more. So, then it is clearly a “why should I upset the apple cart?” feeling. Understandable and you are not alone !

There are two breeds of entrepreneurs – those driven by necessity & those driven by strong will & passion. As a matter of fact, it is easy to be the one driven by necessity; you are able to push yourself much more easily to excel & succeed. But for the second breed, you really need to have the courage along with the will & passion.

Try to assess your risk appetite by the actions you did in the last one year.

- Did you simply accept your current job as a result of destiny ?
- How many times did you blame your luck for not getting a promotion ?
- How many times did you envy somebody else for his/her’s daring to change ?
- Do you often feel that to succeed it is most important to please your boss ?

When you answer these questions, you can introspect & see for yourself the reason for your current position - your boss, your luck, your passion or your cowardice.

There is no free lunch, there is no life without risks and only those who dare to take them having better chances of standing out in the crowd !

You need to dare !!

An interesting paradigm shift in the technology industry is on marketing oneself as a brand.. Traditionally, one is accustomed to proving his or her excellence in a role & grow linearly. But, the industry never grows linearly, so people are increasingly realizing that it is not sufficient to sow the seeds & wait for the harvest. Probably it is not far-fetched to state that destiny in career is not by chance, but by choice.

If you look around, we associate a lot of strong companies to the key people who make it happen; be it Narayana Murthy & Infosys or Steve Jobs & Apple or Bill Gates & Microsoft.. Many Theorists do advocate that it is the role that matters the most, but personal brand marketing is all about the fact that “people matter more than the role".

It is necessary to be in control of your personal brand & manage the perception. Like any product, you need to market yourself & increase your market share. It is a skill to market oneself & involves striving a balance between being visible & being seen as plain opportunist. LinkedIn is a prime example to prove that personal brand marketing is very important. It is amazing to note how LinkedIn penetrated the social groups space & created an own niche in terms of personal brand space.

Another important part is maintaining your contacts. Human nature favours dealing with a known devil rather than an unknown angel. So, ask yourself if you have managed your contacts well. You never know how & when an opportunity strikes & if your contacts are healthy, the opportunity might as well knock your door. One friend of mine, who is a successful entrepreneur in the US told me once to treat all the contacts as a bank. It is important to increase your bank balance & the pay back will happen eventually !